Maybe . . .

this will teach you to stop acting like a dumbshit on the mound. Cheating jackass.

Steve Phillips Is Stupid

I’m watching the Yankees-Tigers Spring Training game, and Steve Phillips says something like this (sorry it’s not verbatim, I am not blessed with TiVo):

“The thing that fans sometimes don’t understand is that the difference between a major-league player and a minor-league player isn’t the player’s velocity [sic], or break on his pitches, or his skills. It’s the consistency of his performance.”

Well Steve, it would seem that some former general managers (that would be you) don’t understand that the consistency of a player’s perfomance is usually, gasp!, based on the velocity of his pitches, the break on his pitches, and his skills in general. Doesn’t that make sense? If a player has above-average skills, he will consistently perform well.

I Am Temporarily Ashamed That Buster Olney Attended My College

From his 3/29 chat:

Jon (DC): Over/Under on my Nats wins this year with the line set at 19.5?

Buster Olney: I’d go over. But not many. I think I picked ‘em for 49 wins, based on what the scouts and evaluators are saying.

If we’re talking about things like national debt or the number of hairs on my head, a difference of 29 is small.

If we’re talking about wins in baseball, 49 >>>> 19.5. I’m not entirely sure what Buster is thinking when he says that picking a team to win 49 games against a line of 19.5 is going over, but not by many.

That’s all.

Maybe I Heard Wrong…

…but I think Buck Martinez just said that four out of the five teams in the AL Central will improve this year. Amazingly, the team that he (and his idiot partner Gary Thorne) picked to regress was the Cleveland Indians, which is really questionable considering that they outscored their opponents by 88 runs last year and finished 78-84. They were terribly unlucky, and the constitution of their team has not changed much in the offseason.

Anyway, here’s the point: 15 minutes ago, I was sure that all baseball broadcasters knew that divisional opponents play each other during the season. A lot. A whole lot. Now, in light of Mr. Martinez’ comments, my faith has been somewhat weakened. Tell me, Buck, how is 80% of the AL Central going to improve if they all have to play each other all the time?

And also, Gary Thorne just said that “Now, in this day and age, if your key players go down [with an injury], your season is done”. You’re totally right Gary. Back in the good old days, if Mickey Mantle or Ted Williams or Willie Mays was hurt, your team would had continued success without missing a beat. Their old-timeyness and hustle would automatically make up for the lost production, as opposed to today where these spoiled jerks just give up and start sucking.

Just Some Quickies

These are some of the more questionable/unsubstantiated responses from ESPN’s Jerry Crasnick in his chat today.

Rob (DC): A certain rival website picked the Pads to be 3rd in the West, I know that will really be a competetive division, but to me they have by far the best staff in the NL and the hitting should be a smidge better. Am I missing something?

Jerry: I’m just not sure where the offense will come from. They’re counting on guys like Sledge, Kouzmanoff, Josh Bard and a declining Brian Giles, who doesn’t have much power anymore. I wouldn’t be shocked to see the five teams in the NL West separated by a 10-game blanket, so preseason predictions mean even less than usual in that division.

F- for research, Jerry. I’m not saying the Padres will be a good offensive team this year, but you completely neglected to mention Marcus Giles, Mike Cameron, Khalil Greene and Adrian Gonzalez. The neglected quartet’s projected average VORP (which measures only offense) is 27.8. The quartet you mentioned has a projected average VORP of 25.1. That means, Jerry, that you completely whiffed on identifying the team’s most important offensive players. Maybe the offense will come from them. Just a thought.

Steiny (NYC): What are your early World Series predictions?

Jerry: My early World Series prediction is Boston over Atlanta. (And no, this isn’t East Coast, ESPN bias). I just like the Red Sox rotation and the move of Papelbon back to closer.

Now, read this:

San Diego, CA: What are the Indians’ chances this year? Jerry: I know the Indians are a fashionable pick in the AL Central, but I still don’t think they’re as good as
Detroit. And I’m not sold on that bullpen.

I have no idea how Crasnick can pick the Red Sox to make the World Series with their horrendous bullpen (yes I’m including Papelbon), but pick against the Indians because of their (admittedly) subpar bullpen. Remember, the rotation he likes so much is now Papelbon-less. Well, maybe he’s picking Boston because they have a better offense that can overcome their horrendous, shitty, godawful bullpen. Let’s see, Baseball Prospectus projects the Red Sox to score 894 runs, and give up 804. They project the Indians to score 858, and allow 763. Red Sox run differential = 90; Indians’ = 95. Nope, not good enough. In fact, BP projects each team to finish with a 90-72 record, based on these differentials.

The Indians and Red Sox are of about equal quality teams. I don’t disagree with Crasnick in that the Red Sox could get to the World Series, and that the Indians might not make the playoffs. This is, after all, baseball. Anything can happen. But considering all the (readily available) information that even a lazy college kid (that would be me) can find, Crasnick’s answers to these two questions are pretty inconsistent. And also, it’s not like it’s his job or anything. Oh wait.

All Hail Sir Josh Beckett, Arbiter of Morality & Righteousness

We all know that Josh Beckett plays the game the right way. Last year, Beckett yelled at a player who thought he had hit a home run off Beckett, struck a little pose, but fell just short. Here, I’ll just let Beckett speak for himself:

“I wanted to make a point. You look like a jackass whenever you hit the ball like that and you’re pimping it, and you’re out. I’m kind of about respecting the game, and I’m not the type of guy to not say anything. . . I’m playing the game right. I didn’t appreciate that.”

Josh Beckett seems to have selectively forgotten all the times he’s struck someone out and run around the mound maniacally pumping his fist and screaming. I saw this with great frequency when he annihilated the Yankees in the 2002 World Series.

Now…

Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis was clipped in the lower leg by base runner Alejandro De Aza on the final out of the fourth inning. Youkilis stayed in the game, but the Sox already were peeved at De Aza, who was repeatedly trying to bunt his way on.

In the seventh, Beckett hit De Aza in the ribs with a pitch, and there was a little tension when De Aza stared out to the mound and Beckett started walking toward the Marlins outfielder.

Julio Lugo later had to dodge a pitch, and then Sox outfielder Matt Van Der Bosch was hit by Florida’s Roy Corcoran, which prompted a warning from the umpires.

The nerve! Some scrub in Spring Training was trying to bunt! Bunting! In the game of baseball! Alejandro De Aza, you are a rascal. What ever would we do without Josh Beckett, who continues to strike down those who disrespect the game of baseball by doing something completely legal and harmless? All hail Josh Beckett, who is definitely not a hypocritical mouthbreather with an ERA over 5.00 in the AL and a home run problem!

Yes, He’s Japanese. Everyone Calm Down.

Dice-Mania may have reached its apex (nadir?) this afternoon during ESPN’s broadcast of the Red Sox-Reds game. After Matsuzaka left the mound, instead of, say, following the rest of the game, the producers chose to show Daisuke jogging on the warning track. Maybe they didn’t know that this is standard practice during spring training games and thought that he was staging a protest or having a nervous breakdown or trying to warn his native people about an impending tsunami. It wasn’t even like FOX’s unnecessary cut-away shots to enhance the “drama” of playoff games. The camera was on Matsuzaka continuously, cutting away only for minor inconveniences like Papelbon pitching.

Here’s my new ultimatum: if the dude ends up with an ERA above 3.60, you guys are not allowed to complain about his disappointing season. This is all your fault. (Okay, it will be mostly your fault. The Red Sox didn’t cough up $103 million for nothing.)

Just a Minor Rant

The (poor) quality of the broadcasting during this year’s NCAA Tournament is really beginning to bother me. Anyone who watches sports has their favorite broadcasters, and the ones they can’t stand. Different personalities and styles appeal to different people.That’s just a matter of taste, and that’s fine.

But I can’t overlook it when certain broadcasters clearly don’t know what they’re doing, who they’re watching, etc. Of course, even devoted and experienced broadcasters will flub a name once in a while. They’re human too. But to me, it’s inexcusable for a broadcaster to regularly screw up players’ names and foul calls. For example:

I’m watching the Oregon-Florida game right now. Joakim Noah misses a hook shot, Al Horford comes flying in for a putback dunk, and fails. Maarty (not a typo) Leunen grabs the defensive rebound, and an overzealous Noah just about takes Leunen’s arm off swiping at the ball. Whistle blows. James Brown (the play-by-play guy today) says “And the whistle blows; foul on Horford”.

At this particular point in time, Horford is a good 15 feet away from the foul, recovering from his missed putback dunk. And also, how on Earth do you confuse Al Horford with Joakim Noah? I mean, look at Noah! Have you EVER seen anyone anywhere who looks like that?

Dick Enberg was doing this all last night too during the Kansas-UCLA game. He was screwing up names (I counted at least 10), getting players confused with one another, calling fouls on players who were on the bench, coming up with ridiculous names for rule infractions (traveling = moving violation?), etc. It was terrible. It was like he hadn’t seen a basketball game in decades. Not years. Decades.

Again, if a broadcaster screws up once in a while, that’s fine. But I think regularly screwing up very simple things (knowing the difference between each of the 10 players on the court) is pretty inexcusable. It’s their job to accurately relay the most basic goings-on of the game, right? If they can’t do that right, then they’re not qualified for their job. End of rant.

I Feel So Misled

ESPN’s Jayson Stark’s blog entry is titled “D-Backs Rotation Filled With Aces”. Despite the fact that I immediately cringed upon seeing that, I decided to be fair and listen to his argument:

The Diamondbacks may not win the NL West, but they definitely lead the league in Opening-Day-starter candidates. They have four pitchers who started Opening Day for their teams last year: Brandon Webb, Randy Johnson (Yankees), Livan Hernandez (Nationals) and Doug Davis (Brewers).

That’s it. Then he lists a bunch of other random baseball factoids.

So, to summarize, the Diamondbacks’ rotation is filled with aces because it has four pitchers that started on Opening Day last year. Do you know how many of them are currently good? One (Brandon Webb).  Davis is about average, and Johnson and Hernandez are bad. Do you know how I found this out? By looking up statistics, on Stark’s employer’s website.

To be fair, I think Mr. Stark was more giddily pointing out an interesting factoid instead of stating a debatable opinion. He even has a regular column devoted to recent baseball oddities, rarities, and factoids. But seriously man, your blog entry title is ridiculously misleading. The combination of the entry’s title and the entry’s content makes you look like an idiot. Cut it out.

Peter Gammons + Red Sox = Blissful Unity

Peter Gammons’ most recent blog entry, prompted by Jonathan Papelbon’s reassignment to the closer role, is beautiful in that it is a short, sweet, concise example of Red Sox homerism/journalistic incompetence. Maybe both.

This also means that there will be further Roger Clemens speculation as a complement to what should be a very good, contrasting rotation of Schilling, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Josh Beckett and Tim Wakefield.

Fair point about Clemens. See previous posts for my unwavering opinion about that rotation probably being really good. Again: fat declining 40 year old, unknown quantity, 5.00 ERA, and old knuckleballer.

Now, with Mike Timlin returning around April 10 and a setup staff of Brendan Donnelly, J.C. Romero, Snyder, Hideki Okajima and Joel Pineiro, there is order. Craig Hansen can go to the minors and try to find his lost natural delivery. When Timlin returns, Manny Delcarmen can get regular work at Pawtucket, if necessary.

Sure, I mean, I guess there’s order. The Red Sox’ bad relievers come in before their good one now, as opposed to just a constant onslaught of crappiness before Papelbon became the closer. So there is a sequence, sure. Again, refer to my previous posts about the Red Sox’ relievers. Donnelly is okay, Romero is awful, Snyder is okay, Okajima is an unknown quantity, and Pieneiro is awful. Also, Mike Timlin is 41 years old and had an ERA of 6.02 after the All-Star break last year. Just saying.

If Julio Lugo, Coco Crisp, J.D. Drew and Jason Varitek are healthy spread around Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz, Mike Lowell, Kevin Youkilis and Dustin Pedroia, the Red Sox are going to be back among the top three offensive teams in the American League.

This is completely unrelated Peter Gammons, but because you included it, it’s fair game. In case you readers haven’t noticed, I love (and by “love” I mean “hate”) conditional sentences that list a long list of things – many of which are improbable independently, making it near impossible dependently - that have to happen in order for something super-good to happen. Like this one, for instance.

Yes, if Lugo and Crisp (not huge health risks) are healthy, as well as Drew and Varitek (two huge health risks), then the Red Sox’ offense will be good. But my main issue with this excerpt is the inclusion of Dustin Pedroia in the sentence outlining the Red Sox’ main offensive weapons. That has to be what the second group is, right? It’s got Manny and Ortiz in it, so Gammons is talking about the big guns here.

DUSTIN PEDROIA + .191 BA + .258 OBP + .303 SLG + 2 HR (in 89 AB) = OFFENSIVE JUGGERNAUT

Someone, please explain to me what exactly Dustin Pedroia has done to warrant mentioning in this particular context. Please, I’m not going to sleep unless someone helps me out. Might he be good someday? Absolutely. But to include him in this group of established, proficient offensive players is pure journalistic stupidity.

ALL POINTS BULLETIN TO MEDIA MEMBERS:

• Stop calling the Red Sox’ rotation very good. If you look at it componentially, this is really unlikely.
• Stop calling the Red Sox’ bullpen improved or even average. It is a wasteland. Look at their stats.
• Stop calling Dustin Pedroia good. It’s not nice to mess with his head like that.
• In general, in the name of all that is holy, look at players’ statistics once in a while. It’s your job.