Peter Gammons + Red Sox = Blissful Unity

Peter Gammons’ most recent blog entry, prompted by Jonathan Papelbon’s reassignment to the closer role, is beautiful in that it is a short, sweet, concise example of Red Sox homerism/journalistic incompetence. Maybe both.

This also means that there will be further Roger Clemens speculation as a complement to what should be a very good, contrasting rotation of Schilling, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Josh Beckett and Tim Wakefield.

Fair point about Clemens. See previous posts for my unwavering opinion about that rotation probably being really good. Again: fat declining 40 year old, unknown quantity, 5.00 ERA, and old knuckleballer.

Now, with Mike Timlin returning around April 10 and a setup staff of Brendan Donnelly, J.C. Romero, Snyder, Hideki Okajima and Joel Pineiro, there is order. Craig Hansen can go to the minors and try to find his lost natural delivery. When Timlin returns, Manny Delcarmen can get regular work at Pawtucket, if necessary.

Sure, I mean, I guess there’s order. The Red Sox’ bad relievers come in before their good one now, as opposed to just a constant onslaught of crappiness before Papelbon became the closer. So there is a sequence, sure. Again, refer to my previous posts about the Red Sox’ relievers. Donnelly is okay, Romero is awful, Snyder is okay, Okajima is an unknown quantity, and Pieneiro is awful. Also, Mike Timlin is 41 years old and had an ERA of 6.02 after the All-Star break last year. Just saying.

If Julio Lugo, Coco Crisp, J.D. Drew and Jason Varitek are healthy spread around Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz, Mike Lowell, Kevin Youkilis and Dustin Pedroia, the Red Sox are going to be back among the top three offensive teams in the American League.

This is completely unrelated Peter Gammons, but because you included it, it’s fair game. In case you readers haven’t noticed, I love (and by “love” I mean “hate”) conditional sentences that list a long list of things – many of which are improbable independently, making it near impossible dependently – that have to happen in order for something super-good to happen. Like this one, for instance.

Yes, if Lugo and Crisp (not huge health risks) are healthy, as well as Drew and Varitek (two huge health risks), then the Red Sox’ offense will be good. But my main issue with this excerpt is the inclusion of Dustin Pedroia in the sentence outlining the Red Sox’ main offensive weapons. That has to be what the second group is, right? It’s got Manny and Ortiz in it, so Gammons is talking about the big guns here.

DUSTIN PEDROIA + .191 BA + .258 OBP + .303 SLG + 2 HR (in 89 AB) = OFFENSIVE JUGGERNAUT

Someone, please explain to me what exactly Dustin Pedroia has done to warrant mentioning in this particular context. Please, I’m not going to sleep unless someone helps me out. Might he be good someday? Absolutely. But to include him in this group of established, proficient offensive players is pure journalistic stupidity.

ALL POINTS BULLETIN TO MEDIA MEMBERS:

  • Stop calling the Red Sox’ rotation very good. If you look at it componentially, this is really unlikely.
  • Stop calling the Red Sox’ bullpen improved or even average. It is a wasteland. Look at their stats.
  • Stop calling Dustin Pedroia good. It’s not nice to mess with his head like that.
  • In general, in the name of all that is holy, look at players’ statistics once in a while. It’s your job.
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One Response to Peter Gammons + Red Sox = Blissful Unity

  1. Jon says:

    Nice call on this entry you fucking retard!

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