If you’re ever looking for indiscriminate, blanket, shameless abuse of the English language, I would highly recommend reading Mel Kiper, Jr.’s chats on ESPN.com. I occasionally find myself reading them, and it is abundantly clear that this guy has no idea how to express himself clearly or concisely. Someone needs to sit him down and say “look Mel, all you need is a subject, verb and a direct object. That’s really it.” If that happened, we would be spared answers like this one:
He’s one of those guys. He’s a late first, early second rounder. Maybe to San Francisco.
The masochist in me wishes he had just stopped at “he’s one of those guys.” Oh well. The rest of the answer isn’t terrible, I guess. But really, the first sentence is “he’s one of those guys.” Come on. Anyway, there’s also this:
He’s coming out in a year that’s not strong on LBs. I don’t think there will be a LB off the board in the first round. The problem is that in the ILB position, there is Jerod Mayo that came out early.
I have no idea what that last sentence means. Next, someone asks if the Cowboys have a chance to get Darren McFadden in the first round. Mel’s first sentence says:
To have that happen there is they pick in the late first – 22 and 28.
Total gibberish. Epic failure. Mel, just try “they pick too late in the first round to have any chance.” Another question is about Erik Ainge. Mel says:
When you watch him play, he makes all the throws. He rarely gets sacked. He doesn’t have great mobility so to not get sacked much is good. He’s not the kind of guy that doesn’t have a great arm, but you put him in the game and he moves the ball.
Sentence-by-sentence: (1) But when you don’t watch him play, he can barely throw the ball two yards? Just say he makes the throws he should. (2) This is fine. (3) Ehh, okay. (4) Catastrophe. Next, someone asks how Dan Connor fared at the Senior Bowl and if he shed the “overrated” label:
People always talk about who is overrated and underrated prematurely. It’s hard to say going in, but we have to do that. Your ratings determine who is over/under rated. Those O/U lists are overrated. They change from analyst to analyst. I have some lists and it also depends on where a guy goes in the draft. If a guy goes in the first round, he might be overrated, but if he goes in the third, it’s a solid pick.
So Dan Connor did…well? Poorly?
In closing, I look forward to more chats with Mel. I think there could be something special brewing here.