A Pop Culture List of Some Kind: The Top Baseball Moments in “The Simpsons”

August 13, 2007

Freaks!

As long as FOX still holds the rights to broadcast the World Series, that unfortunately means a hiatus for “The Simpsons” in late October. Getting in some passive-aggressive digs at the parent company’s schedule bumping (or perhaps just as irritated as the rest of us by their sub-standard sports coverage), this cold open from 2005’s “Treehouse of Horror XVI” highlights the slower side of America’s national pasttime. This clip ends before extraterrestrials Kang and Kodos use their particle accelerator to speed up the game and unwittingly destroy the universe.

Homer’s Pinch Plate Appearance Beats Shelbyville

By it’s third season, “The Simpsons” was the hottest property on television, and despite its ornery reputation, it had the clout to attract huge guest stars. When nuclear power impresario Mr. Burns wagers one million dollars that his plant’s softball team can beat that of rival town Shelbyville, he stacks the odds in his favor by signing up nine Major League ringers for the game. The main plot of “Homer at the Bat” involves the intrasquad rivalry between outfielders Darryl Strawberry and Homer; here the writers have cleverly cast Strawberry as the consummate team player (three years before his redemption in pinstripes). Of all these late ’80s/early ’90s stars, only Roger Clemens and Ken Griffey Jr. are still playing; a few more have basically been confined to the dustbins of baseball history (or VH1 reality shows).

Isotopes Win Pennant

Season Ten episode “Wild Barts Can’t Be Broken” opens with some of the best jokes on baseball fandom in recent television history. Homer is Springfield’s biggest fairweather fan – and who can blame him for doubting the hapless Isotopes? But when the local team is in the championship game, he makes like a Red Sox fan circa 2004. One of the episode writers even cops to being exactly such a bandwagon hopper during Boston’s championship run. The post-game celebration is one for the ages too – can you spot the non-combustible item that inexplicably bursts into flames?

Dingers!

When my friends and I found out that Mark McGwire was going to be on “The Simpsons”, it was a huge deal. “He’s on pace for 65 homers again this year? Who cares?! He’s gonna meet Homer!” Knowing what we do now about the 1998 home race, this scene from Season Eleven’s “Brother’s Little Helper” has a bittersweet quaintness to it; there’s also plenty of eerie symbolism in the way the Springfield mob are so easily distracted by the longball. I love that they got Big Mac to read the line “Yoink!”; and a nice touch having Vin Scully (impersonated by Harry Shearer) as the voice of the satellite.

What’s that? It’s mid-August? Oh, well I guess I know what that means…


The State Of The Yankees Address

May 19, 2007

There are probably two prevalent thoughts amongst you, the Fan Interference readers, with respect to me and the Yankees. Thought #1 is “HA! Explain the Yankees’ season NOW, Special K!”. Thought #2 is “Who is Special K, and why do I care about his opinion?” While I cannot make you care about my opinions (but you should, because they are smart and you can never hear enough smart things), I can attempt to explain what the hell is going on with the New York Yankees.

After the loss to the Mets today, my first reaction was pretty much anger. I was angry with the players for not performing, Joe Torre for being on quaaludes, and Brian Cashman for shoddy roster construction. Watching this team over the last few weeks has been easily my most frustrating experience as a sports fan (Jordan’s Bulls regularly beating Ewing’s Knicks is a close second, or anything Vanderbilt football-related for that matter). Being the analytical sort, I have been trying to come up with an explanation for the Yankees’ terrible, awful play. At last, I have come up with my official current stance on the New York Yankees’ 2007 season through May 19th:

The Yankees have been historically unlucky.

Before the angry, torch-wielding mobs show up on West 87th Street, demanding I admit that the Yankees just aren’t that good, I implore you to listen to my reasoning. I have no idea if I’m right or not – there are, after all, 121 more games to be played. Maybe the Yankees aren’t that good, who knows. But right now, I am of the reasoned opinion that the Yankees have just been incredibly unlucky.

We can start with the starting pitching. In April, Yankee starters gave up runs at a blistering, alarming rate. This was, in my opinion, due primarily to injuries. Lots of injuries. Random, bizarre, unforseen injuries (excluding Carl Pavano). The Yankees’ projected rotation coming out of Spring Training was Chien-Ming Wang, Andy Pettitte, Mike Mussina, Carl Pavano, and Kei Igawa. Wang didn’t pitch until April 24th, because of a hamstring injury. Mussina only made two starts in April because of a hamstring injury. Igawa sucked. Pavano is hurt again and out for the year. Only Pettitte hasn’t missed a start. The result of all these injuries was the promotion of several minor-league pitchers.

Contrary to popular belief, the Yankees have a good farm system, particularly with respect to starting pitching. The Yankees’ FIVE call-ups can easily be divided into two categories: servicable/good pitchers, and outright scrubs. The former group consists of Darrell Rasner, Phil Hughes, and Jeff Karstens. Guess what happened to them? Broken hand, torn hamstring, broken leg. Scrubs Matt DeSalvo and Chase Wright managed to stay healthy and therefore sucked. So what we have here is a pitching staff that, primarily in April, was unable to stay healthy. When they did get hurt, their generally decent replacements all got hurt too. Ouch.

Yet the Yankees’ offense thrived in April, scoring 5.35 runs per game, which was good for 4th in baseball. The Yankees’ team ERA in April, however, was 5.02 (27th). As the calendar turned to May, it seemed reasonable to assume that as the starting pitchers returned from injuries, the team would begin to reach its potential.

Nope. Despite a 3.83 team ERA in May (12th in baseball), the Yankees have continued to suck. Why? A regression in offense and bad luck. The Yankees have scored 4.88 runs per game in May, which is only a small drop to 9th in baseball. The Yankees have outscored opponents 83-63 in May, yet have a 9-9 record. Furthermore, the Yankees’ expected record based on their season’s run differential is 22.5-17.5 – quite different than their actual 18-23 record. Given this information, it would seem likely that a correction is coming. After all, it is extremely difficult for a team to maintain a losing record while outscoring its competition. This gives me hope.

What makes it difficult to fully accept this likely correction, however, has been the Yankees’ offense of late. While Jeter, Posada, Matsui and Mientkiewicz(!)/Phelps have performed well in May, important cogs such as Damon, A-Rod, Giambi, Abreu and Cano have posted a .607 OPS between them. That’s awful. While the pitching in May has been average-to-good, the offense has been declining.

So what do we make of all this? The pitching in April sucked, but the offense was clicking. The offense in May has sucked, but the pitching has been fine. Intuitively, one would expect a .500ish record based on these occurrences. Let’s put the Yankees at 21-20 then. Throw in the 83-63 run differential in May leading to a 9-9 record, and you’ve got your bad luck. So let’s take off a few wins, putting the Yankees at – ta-da – their actual 18-23 record.

To form a reasonable, educated opinion on the rest of the Yankees’ season, we must ask ourselves if the pitching and the hitting will ever overlap. My cautiously optimistic answer to this is “yes”. A rotation of Wang, Mussina, Pettitte, Clemens and Hughes – which is very close to being a reality – is a reason for optimism. Even if one of them gets hurt, the Yankees can insert Igawa or Tyler Clippard for a turn or two. Hey, the Red Sox are 29-13 with Julian “Acid Fight” Tavarez as their fifth starter, so Igawa or Clippard wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. If the Wang-Mussina-Pettitte-Clemens-Hughes rotation materializes (and it seems likely), the starting pitching should be fine.

This rotation would be useless, however, if the Yankees continue hitting like they have in the past few weeks. The question is whether or not this is the “real” Yankee offense or a slumping one. I think it is somewhere in the middle. I am not concerned about Jeter, Posada, A-Rod, or Matsui. They should all perform up to their expected levels. Damon worries me a little because of his nagging injuries; he’s probably due for a slight decline. Abreu has looked awful at times, but there’s no way he’s become a .600 OPS hitter this quickly. There’s no reason to think he won’t rebound. Cano concerns me primarily because of his inability to lay off bad pitches. He needs Ritalin or something. But he is only 24 and to expect another .890 OPS season without a regression would be unreasonable. I say Cano rebounds, but not quite to his 2006 form. Then there’s Giambi, who worries me the most. He’s 36, physically breaking down, and seemingly cannot consistently get around on fastballs. While he remains useful because of his fantastic eye, he seems the most likely candidate for a sharp decline. The net effect is, in all likelihood, a slight offensive regression as compared to 2006.

Despite all these statistics and whatnot, I think the rest of the Yankees’ season can be determined just but looking at a few simple numbers and remembering a few key circumstances:

  • The Yankees’ pitching in April was awful, and now it’s solid. Furthermore, it is now solid and has upside. The return of Phil Hughes – along with Clemens’ arrival – calls for some improvement over the Yankees’ 11th best team ERA and 10th best OPS against. Theoretically, this should make the bullpen more effective as well.
  • The Yankees’ offense in April was fantastic, and now it’s slumping. Again, there is upside. The chances of Damon, Abreu, Cano and Giambi continuing to perform at this level is highly unlikely. A simultaneous precipitous decline in all four’s offensive ability would be one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen in baseball. In any case, the Yankees are 3rd in baseball in runs scored, and 4th in OPS.
  • The Yankees have outscored their opponents 221-198 this season. Based on this differential, the Yankees should have a record around 22-19, not 18-23. 
  • For emphasis, Chien-Ming Wang, Mike Mussina, Darrell Rasner, Jeff Karstens, and Phil Hughes have – in total – missed substantial time due to freak injuries. When they have been healthy (and none has a history of injuries), they have been effective. Furthermore, a rotation of Wang-Pettitte-Mussina-Clemens-Hughes is fast-approaching. This bodes well.

The season pretty much rides on two events occurring: the offense regaining some semblance of its 2006 form, and the pitching staying healthy. I’d say each event has a good chance of occurring. The remaining question is, quite simply, will it be enough to reach the playoffs? I don’t have an answer for this. It seems highly unlikely that the Yankees can win the AL East, although that would be sweet if they did. The most realistic goal is the Wild Card. I certainly think that the Yankees can do it. I watch each and every minute of each and every game, and I can tell you with complete honesty that I have never seen a team subjected to more bad luck than the 2007 Yankees. Everything that could wrong has gone wrong (knocking furiously on wood). I am pretty confident that the Yankees will bounce back and play good baseball for the rest of the season. I remain uncertain, however, as to whether that will be enough to get to the playoffs. 


Let’s Talk About Clemens

May 8, 2007

I stumbled upon this column this morning. There’s nothing special about it; it’s par for the course when it comes to the Yankees’ signing of Roger Clemens. The writer unleashes the standard set of rationalizations arguments against the deal that seems to have permeated virtually all forms of sports media. Whether it’s ESPN or The Boston Globe, Peter Gammons or Gerry Callahan, it seems like everyone has adopted the same company line(s) about the Clemens’ deal.

I’m pretty tired of it, to be honest. The only things I’ve been reading about this deal are negative. Of course, people are entitled to their opinions. And if they’re negative, then so be it. But these opinions should be based on sound reasoning and clear thinking, not on gut feelings, emotional reactions, or (my favorite) bitterness. So this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to put forth the primary, dominant arguments against the Clemens/Yankees union that are permeating the sports media. Then, I am going to logically, reasonably, and coolly (maybe not the last one) completely disembowel these arguments. As a Yankee fan and a rational human being, I am tired of reading and hearing shitty arguments against the deal. I am perfectly willing to listen to smart things, but I have no tolerance for dumb things. Unfortunately, there are a lot of dumb things being said, and here they are:

(1) Signing Roger Clemens shows how pathetic and/or desperate the Yankees really are.

The Yankees are not desperate, they are injured. Keesup said it the best the other day: “it just seems like everyone is equating their pitching injures with moral failure”. I couldn’t agree more. I cannot stress this enough – the Yankees are not desperate, they are not pathetic, and they are not morally flawed. Their pitching staff has endured an unexpected rash of significant injuries. That’s it.

Chien-Ming Wang was out until late April with a hamstring problem. Mussina missed 3 weeks with a hamstring problem. Phil Hughes is out for a couple months with a hamstring problem. Carl Pavano is Carl Pavano. The only Yankee starting pitcher to have not missed his turn has been Andy Pettitte. So let’s quit it with the pathetic and desperate Yankees talk. If your team suffered a rash of injuries that forced 14 starts from Jeff Karstens, Chase Wright, Kei Igawa, Matt DeSalvo, and Darrell Rasner, your team would have a sub-.500 record too.

It’s also May. Early May. If you think a 6 game deficit can’t be made up in early May, then you need to shoot yourself in the head right now (I’m looking at you ESPN). The Yankees aren’t done, finished, dead, floundering, or on life support. The Yankees are, however, a good team that has been set back by random, weird pitching injuries that have forced the Yankees to address this new need. The Yankees need more quality starting pitchers as a hedge against any future injuries. Roger Clemens was available. Makes sense to me.

(2) Roger Clemens isn’t that good because he was 7-6 last year in Houston.

I may have mentioned this once or twice, but wins are stupid. STUPID. The “win” is the most uninsightful, non-descriptive, useless statistic in baseball (sports?) today. Seriously. If anyone – mother, father, brother, lover – tries to make a point based on wins, then you must automatically consider that person an idiot. I cannot stress this enough. Wins are stupid. Stop using wins to judge pitchers.

This is why Roger Clemens had only 7 wins in 19 starts last year: lack of run support. Houston was 25th in baseball in runs scored, 21st in OBP, and 28th in OPS. That’s horrible. Houston couldn’t score runs, and therefore Clemens could not get “wins” – despite posting a 2.30 ERA in 113 IP, and a WHIP of 1.04.

It someone makes the argument that Clemens is bad now because he only had 7 wins, please punch them in the face. I will post your bail when you get thrown in jail.

(3) Roger Clemens is old and he’s going to break down.

I understand that Clemens is 44 and it is reasonable to wonder about his health. But he’s also averaged 33 starts per season for his career. He hasn’t missed a start since 2002. He’s in fantastic shape, he works hard to stay in that shape, and he has a healthy history. I have a hard time believing that this would be an issue if he were with any other team than the Yankees. He signs with the Yankees, and he’s injury-prone. He signs anywhere else, and he’s a medical marvel and a tribute to hard work.

Might he break down? Sure, he’s 44. But please don’t make a gigantic stink about this when there’s minimal reason to.

(4) The Yankees paid too much for a part-time player.

It’s funny how we didn’t hear this argument when he was doing the same thing in Houston. I understand that a starting pitcher’s value is less than an everyday player’s. Clemens can only help the Yankees win every fifth day. I get that.

But here’s the thing: the Yankees don’t give a shit about the $18.5 million or so that they’ll be paying Clemens. They’re the Yankees. It’s chump change. They’ll get some more money later. If the Yankees do not use their vast financial resources to improve their team, they are completely neglecting their competitive advantage. The Yankees should never cut costs, because there’s no reason to. They can afford to spend the most to acquire the best, and they should. The Yankees had a need, and someone was available to fill that need, but for a lofty price. The Yankees could afford that price, so they made a deal.

One more thing. Clemens, despite being a “part-time player”, is a significant upgrade from the status quo. Come June, the Yankees’ rotation will be Wang, Clemens, Pettitte, Mussina, and Hughes. That’ll do. The upgrade Clemens provides over Igawa/Rasner/Wright/DeSalvo is significant. So yeah, the Yankees paid a lot. And yeah, they paid a lot for someone who helps 20% of the time. But they could afford it and it made sense. Isn’t that why people make purchases?

(And also, Gerry Callahan, the Red Sox paid $51 million to pick up the phone and talk to Dice-K. He also plays 20% of the time. Quit your bitching.)

(5) Roger Clemens special treatment will tear the clubhouse apart.

Seriously? Really? Does anyone believe this? Brian Cashman either (a) traded dissenting players or (b) confirmed this treatment with current veteran players. It’s been widely reported that he’s done this. He got rid of Randy Johnson partly for this reason, and he checked with guys like Mussina, Posada, and Jeter to make sure they didn’t have a problem with Clemens’ privileges. They didn’t. Do you know why? Because he’s Roger freaking Clemens, and he’s a huge asset to the team.

Look, the Yankees play in New York. The media is insane, vicious, cutthroat, unreasonable, scheming, conniving, agenda-ridden, and suffocating. I don’t think the players are going to be sitting around moping about how Roger isn’t in the clubhouse today. They’re professionals and they understand that if anyone has earned this right, it’s Clemens. The Yankees’ clubhouse will not implode. This is a stupid suggestion.

(6) Roger Clemens is only doing this for the money. It’s not about winning a World Series. If it were about winning a World Series, he would have signed with the Red Sox.

I’m sure the money is a huge part of Clemens’ decision. He also, however, already wipes his ass with $100 bills. So it can’t be entirely about the money.

I also reject the notion that if he wanted to win a World Series, he would have signed with Boston. The obvious implication is that Boston is better-equipped to win it all than the Yankees. That is not so clear to me. Boston has had near-flawless starting pitching, near-flawless bullpen work, and a healthy offense. Everything that could have gone right for the Red Sox has. Beckett is not going to pitch sub-3.00 ERA ball all year, nor is Wakefield. Schilling will regress a little as well. Who knows what Matsuzaka will do, but he hasn’t looked good so far. The bullpen has been untouchable, which also will not continue. The lineup has been completely healthy, which also cannot last.

In short, it’s not as obvious to me as it is to everyone else that the Red Sox are clearly better than the Yankees. Maybe they’re better. I don’t know. But it’s too early to definitively state that the Red Sox are better than the Yankees, and therefore provide a better opportunity to win it all.

(7) General bitterness and hypocrisy

As I’ve stated, the sports media has depicted the Clemens signing in a decidedly negative light. The Yankees are desperate/pathetic, Clemens is a mercenary asshole, the ship will continue to sink, etc. This is mostly true within the Boston media.

But if the Red Sox had signed Clemens, the media would have creamed all over themselves, philosphically and elegantly waxing about how things have come full circle and how this will provide “closure” to the Boston fans and Clemens’ career. But no, the Yankees signed him, so now it’s pathetic and corrupt. The Yankees spending money is a deplorable, immoral act that sets a bad example for other franchises and disgraces the game. The big, bad Yankees are up to their old tricks again, using their financial advantage to (gasp!) win ballgames. What a bunch of assholes.

Here’s what I have to say to that: deal with it. I’m tired of the Yankees being hated and loathed because they have money. They have money because they are an old, storied franchise with a competitive and rich owner that puts out a fantastic product in one of the biggest markets on the planet. I can understand not liking them because they win a lot. That’s natural. But it drives me nuts when sportswriters get all jittery and bitter because the Yankees spend their money.

You know which team was the most expensive to win the World Series? The 2004 Boston Red Sox. You know which team was the most expensive to have missed the playoffs? The 2006 Boston Red Sox. Money does not equal World Series victories. Stop whining.

That’s pretty much it: stop whining.


OMFG CLEMENS >:-O

May 7, 2007

I like this kid the Yankees signed to shore up the rotation. He’s going places.*

But some people are understandably bitter about this development. Some people like Bill Simmons, of ESPN’s Page 2. Here’s Simmons’ list of rationalizations for not being upset:

1. There’s finally a villain on the 2007 Yankees. Just like the good old days. I was tired of talking myself into despising A-Rod and Posada.

Clemens may in fact hold a grudge against Boston ever since Dan Duquette’s “twilight” comment (the baseball equivalent of the guy who initially turned down The Beatles because “guitar groups are on the way out”). And I can’t tell if Simmons is serious about despising the other two. If so, the villains are poorly chosen: Posada? Really? He seems like a pretty nice guy. He was even in that stupid “Sportscenter” commercial with Ortiz. And Rodriguez would be Boston’s starting shortstop right now were it not for the Players’ Association vetoing the deal (that greedy asshole). Did Simmons forget about the more recent betrayal by Damon? That’s some mighty good villainy.

2. Since he didn’t sign with Boston, I wasn’t put in the position of (A) having to boycott his starts,

Dumb.

and (B) feeling constantly sick because so many Red Sox fans would have been perfectly willing to forgive him if he came back. This would have been awful. I would not have handled it well.

Points for honesty. Imagine the gloating the Faithful would inflict on New Yawkuhs had the deal gone the other way. Actually, don’t. I can’t wish that accent on anyone.

Now I get to look forward to the possibility of Clemens pitching in Fenway in three weeks while the entire crowd chants, “H-G-H! H-G-H! H-G-H! H-G-H!” Much better.

That’s the worst you can come up with? (Full disclosure: I was one of the goons who chanted “Noah’s ugly!” on a live national television broadcast.)

3. He burned his bridges with yet another city (Houston). Love when that happens.

I’m okay with this one. He can’t pitch against the Cardinals now, unless it’s in October (lolz).

4. Watching the inevitable “Brokeback Mountain” parody trailer on YouTube with Clemens and Andy Pettitte. It hasn’t happened yet, but you know it’s coming.

Gay jokes. Awesome. I’m particularly irritated that two good male friends must be subjected to “Brokeback” references, not just because it’s not funny, but because it flies utterly in the face of everything for which the movie stands. But I digress.

5. If he’d signed with Boston, between Dice-K Mania, Beckett’s quest for 30 wins and the return of the greatest Red Sox pitcher ever, Curt Schilling might have snapped from a lack of attention — we could have seen him break a baseball bat over a Japanese photographer’s head just to grab the spotlight again. Glad we avoided this.

Haha, well, Schilling is a whore for attention (non-bloody-sock-related). But Beckett will not win 30 games. And wasn’t there a pretty good Red Sox pitcher during the deadball era? Shit, what was his name?

6. Honestly? I don’t think Clemens will be that good for the Yanks. He turns 45 in August and he’s been pitching in an inferior hitting league for the past few years. Physically, it just doesn’t add up. He’s defying the career paths of every other pitcher in the the history of baseball … I mean, even a freak of nature like Nolan Ryan started to break down in his mid-40s. How is Clemens still chugging along? How? I just feel like the odds of Clemens either breaking down or becoming involved in a massive scandal seem to be much greater than the odds of him continuing to be an elite pitcher. And if he stinks … it’s going to be glorious. Just glorious.

I can’t take offense at this. Clemens is the biggest outlier in pitching history, so most predictions about his performance will have to be taken with a grain of salt and not too harshly judged when they are wrong. Still, it’s a bit smug to take such pleasure thinking about a man’s inevitable decline.

7. The Yankees’ clubhouse is already fragile enough … now they’re adding a guy who abides by his own sets of rules, flies back home after every start, drags his kids around with him like Michael Jackson and comes and goes when he pleases? Sounds like a recipe for disaster, doesn’t it? If he struggles out of the gate, the Yankees’ fans will turn on him faster than the WWE fans turning on John Cena during a pay-per-view.

No. I’m pretty sure Brian Cashman went out of his way to make sure Clemens’ priveleges wouldn’t rile his teammates. They won’t. Clemens will also mentor young pitchers like Hughes; and by all accounts he was a strong and supportive teammate during his first five years in the Bronx (read Olney’s book “The Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty”).

8. We’re coming closer and closer to my dream of Clemens’ Hall of Fame plaque featuring a cap with a dollar sign on it. I feel like it’s a genuine possibility at this point.

Boo, capitalism! Hooray, beer!

9. The Red Sox spitefully giving No. 21 to someone else this season, preferably the worst pitcher on the team. In fact, I vote that they bring Rich Garces back, feed him burritos until he passes the 400-pound mark, then squash him into a No. 21 jersey and hire him as the bullpen coach.

I don’t – I’m not sure – I – what? Someone was stretching here. This is why I support making a list only as long as you can fill it. Check out next week’s special entry, “Keesup’s Top Six Songs About Baseball.”

10. Looking forward to an entire season of e-mails like these …

Hey, kids! All five stages of grief are visible in the following e-mails. Can you spot them all?

RC in Guatemala City: “So let me get this straight … we’re supposed to be scared of the Yankees hiring a 45-year-old fat dude with groin problems? Really?”

Jason T. in Maine: “I’m happy Roger is going to the Yankees. Trying to bring him back to Boston made me feel like Forrest Gump at the end of the movie. You know, when Jenny, the used-up coke fiend, came back to Forrest to die of AIDS after screwing half the continent. After the last two series, the amount of hate for the Yankees, at least in my heart, was in serious decline. Now I feel reinvigorated, full of hate for all things pinstriped.”

Gary in Somerville, Mass.: “I thought you were nuts last year when you were openly hoping that Roger didn’t come back to Boston. But after he dangled himself in front of the Yanks, Sox and Astros AGAIN this year I snapped out of it and realized that some things just aren’t worth another championship. That grotesque display today IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAME told me I made the right choice. Am I the only one that finds this Clemens/Pettitte thing more than a little odd? I can imagine that when Roger told his wife that he was going back to the Yankees she had the same look on her face that Michelle Williams did when Heath Ledger told her he was going ‘fishing’ with Jake Gyllenhaal.”

Are Red Sox fans really this homophobic?

John F. in Kansas: “This is historic … who ever heard of a rat jumping ON a sinking ship?”

Sinking ship? The Yankees have the best offense in baseball and they’re only five games out on May 7. Fuck you, John F.

To be honest, I just think it’s really cool that I get to keep watching the best pitcher of my lifetime, especially on a team that isn’t in Texas. I don’t see how his exceptional treatment is “ruining” baseball; the Astros set the precedent for allowing the pre-season waffling and extra off days. We’re only six weeks in, and Clemens will make the AL East race that much more interesting.

*Cooperstown, New York.


:-D

May 6, 2007

I am happy.